And Speaking Of Walking

Three months later, I finally got around to doing that exercise I was planning on.  I put on the Leslie Sansone Walk Away Your Waistline DVD and I think I may have made it to 1/2 mile.  I wanted to go for a whole one, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.  As it was, I fell over when I went to sit down I was so beat! 

Up until this past Saturday,  I wanted to quit going to WW.  I just didn’t have the motivation that I first did.  But then the gal sitting next to me got a medal for reaching the 25 lb. mark and I thought, DAMN!  I want to hit 20 lbs by this Saturday!!  The next day I then proceeded to sneak out of church to McD’s for a happy meal, I was so dang hungry.  I’m pretty sure I just walked it off though, my ass hurts from walking so much!  I think I may be having some of those endorphin thingys though, because I may try it again later today.  Or tomorrow.  Whatever.

Two Steps Forward

“I am a slow walker, but I never walk backwards.” – Abraham Lincoln

I’m walking pretty slow here.  I’ve walked backwards, too.  It’s hard to give up 32 years of percieved control.  Baby steps are all I’ve got right now, and I just realized what a load of crap that sounded like.  I’ve got more than baby steps in me.  I’m still scared.  And lazy.  I’ve got no real reasons left, they’ve all been blown away.  I’ve always been in control.  Now I just have to choose to use it.

No Need To Be Alarmed, But…

This not tracking Points thing is really working for me.  I don’t think I’ve ever been more in tune to my body signals about hunger and thirst than ever before.  This afternoon, I knew I wanted a snack.  Didn’t need one, just wanted one.  And do you know what sounded good to me?  Carrots and low-fat ranch.  Not the Cool Ranch Doritos I bought for B’s lunches this week.  Not the regular Cheetos or Flamin’ Hot Cheetos with Limon for D’s & S’s lunches, and not the rest of my Garden Salsa Sun Chips that my BFF’s kid dumped all over my rug, but mini carrots and low-fat ranch.  How cool is that?

Carpe Diem

“Celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain.” - Dave Matthews Band

So, you’re all marking your calendars now for my birthday party in May, right?

Each day I am more and more aware of how short my life is.  Fortunately, I am (mostly) aware of its sweet spots as well.

Be Worthy of Imitation

“You must be careful how you walk and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set.” - Robert E. Lee

Well, if that’s not a huge mantel of responsibility, I don’t know what is! 

I went to my chiropractor’s on Friday night, and his little girl was just running all over the place.  She stopped to tell me that she was exercising.  How fun it was, how she loved to do it.  She’s just like her mommy, who is an instructor over at the local gym.  What a great example she has been to her children.  Not only is physical fitness necessary, but it’s fun!

My children, obviously, do not feel the same.  They don’t see me being physically fit.  They lack endurance.  This is unacceptable.  They are so young, they don’t have to go the way that I have.

On occasion, I “walk” for a mile while sitting in a rocking chair with Shana the Beautiful.  If I stand, I can barely make it through the warmup.  I want my endurance and frequency to increase, so I loaded up on my own Leslie Sansone walking DVD, a beginners Yoga DVD, and easy Pilates DVD at Costco.  I have a resistance band that I bought for $2.50 in the “dollar section” at Target, and I already had the yoga mat and hand weights at home.  Now, they’re all in a basket near the television and I aim to do something every day.  My monetary investment has been a whopping $29.50, plus tax.  I finally have found physical activity that I love, which I understand is the key to becoming active and staying active.

For the first time, I have a hunger for self-care in a meaningful way.  For the first time, I have a hunger for the scriptures.  I hope this means I am ready to be worthy of imitation.

Newsflash

(insert Kermit the Frog news update sound here)

I have fallen off the wagon.

I have jumped off the wagon.

I have taken a full-fleged step into weight-loss insanity and skydived off the wagon.

Although I have kept a mental note of the fact that I am going over my daily points allowance, I haven’t recorded anything since the accident.  At this moment, I am up 0.4 lbs. from the total I’ve lost.  Tomorrow will be more of the same.  I feel ugly inside and out of control and having to keep track of points is just one too many things for my overworked and highly medicated brain to do.

The program…. the program is something I love.  It’s something I’ll get back on.  I know eating doesn’t solve my problems.  I know eating may actually make my problems worse.  But I need a vice real bad right now, and since drugs, alcohol, and free love are out, food is it.

Black Devil Thursday

So, on Thursday I was able to take my good friend Maria to the temple for the first time.  It was a fantastic day, and since we had not eaten since 6:00 a.m. we were all hot to go out to lunch to celebrate her special day and stuff our hungry faces!

This is what happened.

We went to Chili’s.  We had appetizers.  Southwestern Egg Rolls.  Shanghai Boneless Buffalo Wings.  Fried Cheese.  I had steak and portabello fajitas.  And then….

we split a White Chocolate Molten Lava Cake.

I did not feel guilty for one moment.  It was beautiful.

And I still lost 1.2 lbs today!!!

Do You Know Where You’re Going?

“The future belongs to those who prepare for it today.” – Malcom X

Today at the meeting, we used storyboarding as a way to see how to reach our goals.  It’s taken me 2 months and 3 weeks to lose 11.8 lbs.  That seems a ridiculously long time to lose so little, considering how well my friend has done.  Except, I don’t see it that way all the time.  Most of the time, I see it as “I know who I am and I know what I’m doing and where I am going and it may take me longer to get there, but get there I will!”

When you joing WW (or at least the time before this that I joined), you set a goal at your first meeting.  I never did.  Well, I guess that’s not true.  I guess I just never used the words “my goal is…” but it was my ambition to go every week, rain or shine, no matter how bad I did and weigh in and accept the consequences.  And I have.  But today, considering what I did over the last two days, I went in expecting the worst.  And instead I got the best, I lost 1.2 lbs!  Now, 0.4 of that was make-up for last week.  But I still lost weight!!!  So instead of my usual “oh this is so corny I’m not doing it” attitude that I have when we have a worksheet meeting, I did it.  And I set my first goal, and wrote down the steps to reach it.

I am going to get there!

Do You See Possibilities Or Problems?

“A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn’t will find an excuse.”  – Stephen Dolley, Jr.

Every week when we attend our WW meeting, the instructor tries to get us to see how problems can be overcome and things we can avoid doing to sabotage ourselves.  This annoys me because the things that are supposed to be overcome don’t feel that way to me.  (In class, at least) I see all these things as for my good and as positives in the process, not things to be avoided.  Just as with my spiritual self, I feel my mortal appetites can be satisfied by being in the world and not of it.  I can be at the party and not eat the party.  I have proof of that by how well I did over Thanksgiving!

Are You A Good Friend To Yourself?

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else.”  – Eleanor Roosevelt

This statement makes total sense to me.  And in a word, yes, I’d have to say I’m a good friend to myself.  I may not always be a best friend, but I am good.  In general, I feel pretty good about myself, who I am, and what I am doing.  I try to support myself in what I want to do.  I try to surround myself with good people that I might learn from them and grow to exceed who I am today, and I think that is something a good friend would do.