What Kind of Sicko?

The urge to eat is strong, but I am not a Jedi yet.

I’ve noticed I’ve got this underlying urge to stuff my face all. the. time. lately…  It’s not easy to just not eat, also most of the time I don’t notice it until I’m halfway through a bag of sunflower seeds.  I don’t even want to eat but it’s like I’m compelled.  Always looking, searching for something to fill me up.  I know it’s not a physical emptiness I’m trying to fill though.

Lately I feel like I’m trapped in a corner and scratching at the walls to get out.  Only none of my normal coping techniques are working so I’m getting more desperate.  I know what the solution is, but I am SO scared!  I’m so scared of failure, scared of letting people in through that last and final wall.  Scared of exposure and censure and hurt.

This business of not letting your emotions overpower you is hard work.

Buy Stock In Bubble Yum

Because I’m going to be chewing a freaking lot of it!

I seriously want something, right! now!!

But I am not hungry, and I am not thirsty, and I am very full, so I might pop if I drink any more damn water!  Which must mean I need some gum.  And if you’re going to chew gum, it’s only the best.  And that means BUBBLE YUM!!!  None of that sugar-free crap.  You can’t blow human head-sized bubbles with it.

I found my WW calculator so tomorrow I will start writing down (for real) my points.  And we fixed the treadmill area so I probably will dust off that, too.

That is all.